MYSELF - BEYOND THE SELF

Niki Trosky, Prairie Yogi
Words + Image by Niki Trosky
Once upon a time I travelled to India to learn how to meditate. I wanted to learn how to quiet my mind. I was nursing a broken heart and I was grieving the loss of a loved one. All I wanted was some peace of mind. I hit the eject button with the desire of landing in another world. A world that would help me escape the one I felt tortured in.

I landed in Ohso’s International Meditation Resort. I found myself in the middle of a new-age-inner-space camp and decided it was easier to sit and silently judge than to participate.

After a week of avoiding almost everything but a luxurious pool side and tennis courts I realized that no one was judging me. No one was pressuring me to participate. No one was expecting me to accomplish or achieve anything.

From this space of relaxed freedom I felt myself naturally open up. All of a sudden I was curious to see what everyone else was enjoying. I plunged into an intensive meditation schedule that included everything from screaming like a banshee to whirling like a Dervish to sitting perfectly still. My enthusiasm felt authentic and effortless. I found immense joy in my exploration of self.

Even the parts of my past that I had carefully avoided were not so scary anymore. I began to explore all of my dark bits with a ray of light.

The idea that I had to become a zen buddha who could sit blissfully still was replaced with a deeper joy of allowing things be just as they are. I came to the understanding that my thoughts had no power over my well being. I gave myself permission to relax into whatever view points decided to arise. There was no longer a need to change a negative thought into a positive one. There was no longer a desire to try and control and micro manage my points of view. I was able to relax into the simple understanding that all of my thoughts were perfect just as they were.

For me this awakening was subtle, yet deep. It was liberating to learn that my thoughts could simply come and go as they pleased. I found great joy in welcoming old patterns of unwanted thoughts. They went from torturous to familiar. As soon as I invited them to stay they seemed to scatter and grow disinterested in me. My simple allowing of them released their control over me. I discovered freedom in the absence of resistance. I was finally free to let things simply be.

I was finally able to connect with myself beyond the self.

I now understand that no matter what happens my higher self will always be powerful and clear.

I can take comfort in knowing that whether I am happy or sick, poor or wealthy, in love or broken hearted, my consciousness is always free. It will remain untouched by the thoughts that I have. It will always be present and the path of least resistance will always guide me back to it.

Giving myself permission to relax into my most awakened state I often find myself flooded with appreciation. Giving thanks for this beautiful life somehow makes it even more beautiful.

Allowing my thoughts to run their course, allowing my body to relax no matter what my circumstances and connecting to my higher self has pulled me into the gift of the present. I now understand that enlightenment is not something I can achieve, it is not a place I need to find, it is my natural state of being and my only job is to relax and appreciate it.

Namaste,

Niki

Niki Trosky is a renegade creating global change through social installations,  empowering photo shoots, sacred healing retreats, private life council, writing, innovative school curriculums & public speaking events. 

Join Niki on September 7th at Prairie Love Festival, and be sure not to miss her offering: Melodic Meditation accompanied by André Clement.

Comments

Lori fast said…
Always insightful and inspiring Nicki.

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